Dreams!

Writing after quite sometime. Actually I have been writing but haven’t posted anything as most of it is incomplete, just random thoughts and views.

Nothing new has been happening lately. In fact it’s been almost the same routine for days, but no complaints. One good thing was that I did manage to read books and also watch a lot of movies last month. There were days when I watched four movies back to back. It was fun; an experience!

Anyway, the other day I asked my little sister who is in the sixth grade the same clichéd question all of us are asked over a dozen times in our childhood – What do you want to be when you grow up? Now seeing her sense of fashion and her interest for dance I was expecting something on those lines but her answer completely took me by surprise. She said nothing. On asking for an explanation she blurted out immediately, “Uffo, why do people keep asking this question. It really does not make any sense, does it? Di look at you. You are a grown-up but have you become something?”

She no doubt caught my off-guard with this statement, but true it was. Plus it came at a time most apt - when I am in a dilemma regarding my future. Yes I have been thinking about this for quite sometime now. I am confronted with choices but don’t know which one to pick, because I am so just uncertain about everything right now.

Chasing one’s dream is said to be very fulfilling. But I am unaware of what my dream really is. Follow your heart they say. But what does one do when one knows not what his/her heart wants.

And here I quote a few lines by a dear friend who completely relates to this feeling of mine:

What are my objectives? What am I supposed to make and ask of my life? What is that thing that I'm supposed to chase blindly, with all my strength, all my conviction, all my life, all my passion?

I want to...

I want to BREAK FREE...!!

I dont need to write anything more right now. This sums up a lot that's on my mind currently.

Fragmented thoughts

Unspoken words
Unexpressed feelings

Unknown fear
Silent tear

Grim smile
Loud whisper

Detached attachment
Warm indifference

Cold passion
Agonizing love

Ruffled mind
Fragmented thoughts!!

This was no poetry, only random thoughts! But like a close pal said, "Fragmented but poetically put. And says who a poem can't be fragmented?"

Merry Christmas!

I meant to post this yesterday itself, but did not get time. Running late today also, as I have to catch a train in the next couple of hours and I am yet to begin with my packing - procrastination yet again! Anyway this was special and I did not want to delay it till Monday, when I am back.

This is for my four dear friends, again yet to name them. But I will once I am back! And no more carelessness with them for sure. They are my Christmas present - four fishes, two goldfish and two angelfish and I love them dearly, already!

More about them once I am back!

Boon or Bane?

Oh! It is that time of the month again – the same story month after month after month. The cramps are no doubt most dreaded and can be extremely painful. Girls resort to various measures for relief, the most common being painkillers, though they should actually be avoided. Home remedies are the best way to deal with these cramps. Anyway I hope to write about this in a separate post sometime later.

I so hate these mood swings – irritation for no reason at all; stress, anxiety and more irritation. It seems to be indicating the arrival of the deadly monster. The weather is as it is chilly, and the fact that I am by myself at home is only adding up to the irritability quotient. Just don’t feel like doing anything. Have an exam on Sunday and ideally I should be studying or at least solving test papers. But like I said, just don’t want to do anything. So I rather kill time doing nothing, yes absolutely nothing.

Amidst this petulance, there is a particular thing that has somehow managed to enthrall me. It is the title track of Naseeruddin Shah’s directorial debut – ‘Yun Hota Toh Kya Hota’ which has been playing on a loop since afternoon. Thanks Vibhor for sending it across at the right time :)

Playing a game...Literally!

Playing the tag game. Must admit it felt a bit odd initially when I was tagged by my dear friend and asked to play the game. But it was rather amusing and feels good now. Was reminded of school and college days when such games were a common affair.

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?
F*** off! And it would be time to move on. There is anyway no point in holding on to anything / anyone if it doesn’t seem to be working. But cheating the person you ‘claim to’ love is an absolute NO!

2. If you could have one dream come true which one would it be?
For the past six years there has only been one wish and I earnestly wish it comes true. High time! I know it will.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
I don’t really care about what people do in their personal lives. But anyone who messes with me will not be spared.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Let me have it and then I’ll tell you what I do with it.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Falling in love is not a matter of a choice. If it has to happen, it will happen. It can be anyone then – an acquaintance, a friend or a best friend.

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Love in itself is a beautiful feeling and so both have their own charm. But it’s a true blessing to be loved by the person you love :)

7. How long would you wait for someone you love?
If I love someone, it means he is worth loving in the first place. So such a person would definitely be worth the wait, no matter how long!

8. If the person you like is secretly attached, what would you do?
If it’s only a liking and not love, then it doesn’t matter if that person is ‘secretly attached.’ I can continue liking him!

9. If you could root for one social cause which one would it be?
Has to be underprivileged children. My heart goes out to see little angels living a life of dispossession.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
PMS! Hoila that reminds me I should post my ODE here :)

11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years' time?
Spare me this clichéd question please!

12. What's your fear?
There are quite a many but most of them are transitory and hence not overpowering. However THE one fear that I think I won’t ever, ever be able to overcome is – Rats! They are creepy and I am shit scared of them!

13. What kind of person(s) do you think the person who tagged you is/are?
She is my alter-ego in many ways. She’s been waiting for me to vent out my deepest feelings, desires, complaints, fears since a long time and no doubt I was the first person to be tagged. I don’t really believe in such games but it’s only for her that I am doing this.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Married to a person I would love to spend every single minute of my life with. Rich or poor, it actually would not matter then. Seriously ;)

15. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
Earlier I always woke up late and so had no time to do anything but rush to work. But since the time I am home, I wake up and tell mom “5 minutes MA” and go off the sleep again. And believe you me, the sleep that you get in these 5 minutes is a total bliss!

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who would you pick?
It sure is a big deal for me to fall in love with someone. And you’re talking about two people here. You kidding me! No, but on a serious note, I know that if and when I am in love, I will be totally in for the relationship and so don’t see myself falling for someone else.

17. Would you give all in a relationship?
Well yes, entirely. I do not like to formalities, especially when it comes to relationships, be it any. So if I am fond of someone I will go out of my way for that person. Else I really don’t care.

18. What's eating you now?
What if I am not able to meet my parents (especially Dad’s) desire of getting through a good B-school! They have their expectations and so I am really anxious!

19. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
Is this a question of preference?

20. Tag 6 people...
Alas! 6 is too big a number. I have only recently started blogging. However tagging a couple of friends who I hope will play along :)
**Myraidmusings
**Tripti

Tag completed :)

Joyeeta

Was kind of bored with the monotonous life; thought I’ll take a break and go out for a change. But where and do what? You can’t really come up with ideas here; such a contrast from Delhi where one never falls short on options! In fact there is no need to have a plan, have somewhere to go to. That’s how I was reminded of you and the wacky times spent together.

God! I can’t be so crazy. Do you realize that I am actually writing an entire blog entry on you? I don’t believe myself at times ;) But now that I have thought of it, I might as well go ahead with it. Ok I can tell what exactly you are thinking right now…
“Saali tu kabhi nahi sudhregi na...”
Anyway, I am used to it and so are you I suppose. So I can proceed now!

Know what? Upon looking back, I can now see how we were destined to meet. Why else would I open my yahoo account and check the mail from your dear friend PD :) After that it all happened in the blink of an eye. You were a part of Comma and were soon to be a part of my daily life… at times for two whole days! (Shall come back to it in detail)

You know it; I did not quite like you initially. (Actually not just you. I think that’s the way with me – did not really click with my close pals instantly. Nicky, Amrita, you amongst others) It was that day when you were late and I said you could stay over at my place. Did not know that this would be a frequent affair soon! Bas, that’s how things changed. Spent more time with you, got to know you better and realized we have a lot in common.

Gal, we really have had amazing experiences, they sure do deserve a mention! It was so just so much fun. But the only problem is that there are too many. Can’t recount and jot all of them; this would turn out to be a diary and not a blog. But who cares. It’s my blog after all and I can write whatever I want to. It still won’t be possible to write all of it coz each day there was something happening; also because we spent a lot of time together – 10-12 hours at work daily, and then the frequent night stays at my place. Right from Day 1 you had said you would get clothes and leave them at my place. Bhaiya na bhi tujhe kitni baar bola. But then the LAZY you! Each time you would crib and crib and crib but you did not get them till the last day.

I bet you can’t forget the doggie at my place. God…he was scary. You were so scared of him. Lekin us din raat ko kitna bhagaya than na usne. Pehle se hi green park se bhaag bhaag ke aa rahe the, aur last mein Sandy ne bhi kasar nahi chodi. Bina light ke kaise bhaage the stairs mein. Shit that was a day yah. You wanted to enjoy the ‘cool breeze’ so we stayed back in Green Park after meeting that friend of yours. But then such brilliant ideas occur to you! And the result…those fanatics! Madam where did you get this from? F*** O** We were casual initially but with the kind of impression and message that was sent out UNINTENTIONALLY it did get a little scary. Though my place was just walking distance we had to take an auto to get back. And that too left it outside the main gate and ran home. The icing on the cake was dear Sandy! Huh. I remember we only relieved once we reached the balcony and took a deep breath.

Another similar incident was at Priya’s while watching Rock On! We had not got the tickets. Joyee madam toh itna tayaar hoke aayi thi J Aur jab mera mann ho jayee movie dekhne ka toh phir kya… got the tickets for black and told Nikhil and Mr. JNU that there were no tickets. Had a nice dinner but din know that more drama was to unfold after that. Eeeeuuuu…thinking about it still gives me creeps but cant help laughing also. You were so scared and wanted to call the guards. By the way he was my friend so why were you interrupting ;) The best part was the way we ran as soon as the movie got over.

Movies remind me of much more. I think we have made every movie a wonderful experience with something or the other happening.

• Sarkar Raj – nice comedy! Yah I know you will agree with me on this ;)
• Aamir – Rushed to Nehru Place to watch it but since we were kinda broke, din feel like spending 400 bucks. And so went to Just Parathas instead! Hey hey…phir wahan bhi toh kitna drama hua tha J Remember the police walas and how we were standing along with them. We sure did look like criminals to anyone passing by, not that there were many at that time of night. Lol! And police uncle ne bola, lemme get you girls an auto. But unko dekhke toh saare auto waale dur se hi U-turn maar rahe the. The walk down the drak empty road around midnight was kinda frightening. Finally managed to get an auto and got back home. But the action was not over yet and more was to come the next day.
• Mere Baap Pehle Aap – Just a day b4 we had dropped the plan of watching Aamir coz of the financial crunch, and for what? To watch this shady movie just the next day. The only consoling factor was that we were watching it in Select City Walk. But do you remember how we landed there? Remember we were at Ansal Plaza – had gone to the Vodafone Store as my calls were barred. Who kaam bhi nahi hua tha plus we were both hell bent upon watching Aamir. So we explored various options where it was playing. There was a show at 3Cs in Lajpat and we rushed, only to find that my brother had mistakenly given us the wrong info. Grrhh… only made me more determined to watch it. Oh you had also called Bhaiya there. Was meeting him for the 1st time and what an impression he had of us together (Hey thinking of him reminds me of ‘Pairi pauna’ and the SILENT conversation to check your mobile phone outside A2B) Anyway we decided to go to Saket to watch the movie. But seems like we were no destined to watch that movie. Got no tickets. Was so irritated and just wanted to watch any goddamn movie. And that’s how this movie happened. Bhaiya ko kitna irritate kiya than na! And yes must admit this was a perfect movie to watch after all the confusion and running around. I had fun watching it.
• Hancock – Now if we were both watching a movie, something had to happen. And this time it was just unnecessary commotion. The outcome – despite being present at the theatre, we only saw the movie post-interval. Shit I am barely late for movies. I’m the sort who likes to watch the initial advertisements too. And missing half the movie, that’s just not me. Lekin hum saath the toh gadbad toh honi thi.
• Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na – I think this was one movie where there was no confusion, drama or action. This time it was pre-event (for me) and post-event (for you). And yes I remember it was my ‘no occasion’ treat to you :) Nice movie, nice watch.

Okay, this will surely take more time. There are so many incidents – office and the fun there, the enjoyment in Green Park particularly CCD, the maiden JNU visit and much more. So will continue it in the next post :)

And miss you a lot sweetie. I really really had an amazing time with you. Just absolute fun. Like you said we are both of a similar nature and that's why we clicked. Love you. Keep Rocking!

Na jaane kyun...

This disclaimer ought to have been here before. Anyway following the cliched 'its never too late,' here it comes!

This is not my composition but the lyrics of a song from the movie 'Choti Si Baat' - simply love it :)

Na jaane kyun
hota hai yeh zindagi ke saath
achanak yeh mann, kisi ke jaane ke baad,
kare phir uski yaad
Choti Choti si Baat
Na jaane kyun...

Jo anjaan pal, dhal gaye kal
Aaj woh, rang badal badal, mann ko machal machal rahe hai chhal
Na jaane kyun woh anjaan pal
Saje bina mere, naino mein tute re hai re sapno ke mahal;
Na jaane kyun
Hota hai yeh zindagi ke saath
Achanak yeh mann, kisi ke jaane ke baad,
kare phir uski yaad
Choti Choti si Baat
Na jaane kyun...

Wohi hai dagar, wohi hai safar
Hai nahi, saath mere magar, ab mera humsafar, idhar udhar dhoonde nazar
Wohi hai dagar
Kahan gayi shame madhbhari woh mere mere woh din gaye kidhar;
Na jaane kyun
Hota hai yeh zindagi ke saath
Achanak yeh mann, kisi ke jaane ke baad,
kare phir uski yaad
Choti Choti si Baat
Na jaane kyun...

NICKY

I have been pondering where to start writing from…there are so many things I want to write about. But it’s only apt that I first write about you and for YOU. You have always expressed your unconditional love for me through several testimonials, numerous mails, letters, on the phone… but there has always been a complaint that I don’t reciprocate. Just yesterday you were enquiring about the much delayed testimonial. So sweetie this is dedicated to you.

Prachi Joshi…Hmmm. Three years of knowing you. Its such an irony that I really hated you initially. Not your fault entirely. I had always been biased towards Delhites. But I swear girl I CANNOT forget the first day of the metro ride with you and Tin – that close to one hour time frame from BVB to Rajiv Chowk metro station (walking ) and then to Kashmere Gate. Throughout you guys kept talking about stuff I did not care to listen. The only thing or rather person on my mind was Archana. Why the hell did she need to find me company for the metro and introduce me to the both of you? There was no way I would get along with Delhi girls. Our worlds were totally different. I was better off alone. That was our first day of acquaintance. And how mistaken I was. Little did I know then that some day this same person would be my alter-ego!

As you have written in one of your previous entries –
…friendship grew from distant and too formal and often indifferent greetings to such an intense relationship of which depths are unfathomable…

Oh! How we used to wander on the streets of CP. No wonder we know CP so well. Till today people call up from the metro and ask which door to exit from for a particular spot or joint! Courtesy – our inside out study of the area. At times I think we were doing a research on CP for some project rather than studying PR! Most frequented hangouts – British Council Library (yes no kidding, the library was a hangout place for us), CCD, Janpath (Corn & Coffee, Junkets and rings), and your most favorite – public conveyance. In fact it soon became a routine. We would get off at Rajiv Chowk, take the Janpath exit and then head towards your destination. Only after that we used to decide the course of the day.

Your blog says it rightly – “we used to wander like gypsies in CP... as if we had been thrown out of our homes.”

There are countless memories of us but would love to mention a couple here…

• The fight with Tina – Gosh! Rarely have I seen Tin so aggressive and RED! She just refused to listen that day. It seemed like hell was let loose but the best part is I still can’t recall what it was all about. Though I can still picture the three of us outside Shivaji Stadium. What a sight it was ;)
• Bankrupt – Both of us were extravagant no doubt. But deliberately spending till we were left with nothing, absolutely nothing. We ate so much junk food that day and then both of us puked later. Thank God we did not have food poisoning. Thanks to the metro and our metro cards else we would sure need help getting back home!

Anyway that was CP and BVB. Times changed and we almost drifted apart. We were not in touch for almost a year. Seemed like it was the end. And end it was, but only of a chapter. There was a lot to explore yet! So far we had only shared fun times together. This time there was to be a different dimension; more patience, maturity, support and the much needed comfort of knowing that someone is present for you!

We shared a lot this time. Din meet up, no phone calls for a long period; despite this the bond only grew stronger. One incident I'm reminded of is the meeting with 'THE" Hemant Joshi. I had to meet him someday. And we did. Tina also managed to. And that was also fun :) Then my stay at ur place...and those guests of yours.. phew they scared the hell out of me! You really get such ideas man... mouse for pets! They must have given Ginni also a complex. My birthday this year was also fun. My bank balance ;) your cell beeping each time we made a payment. Had a long day and just when we thought it was over and time to go home, there was more in store. Im sure you enjoyed watching 'The Dark Knight'...and the list goes on!

You have been through a lot in life. But I know you do have the strength to endure testing times. I am glad you’ve overcome most of them. And now you will soon start a new phase in your life. I want you to move ahead with a fresh mindset and leave behind all previous baggage (you know what I mean). You are a wonderful person who deserves a lot of happiness and pure bliss…and much more! And hey make sure you complete your Masters this year.

I do not say it often, but you are an important part of my life. It is just reassuring to know that you are there and I can fall back on you ANYTIME. I think I said it all when I said you are my alter-ego. Love ya loads!!

P.S. I need to give you a nick name too. Wait till I think of something apt soon!

FINALLY

At Last... Am I blogging or am I blogging?

Technically speaking this is my very first blog entry. But that's only technically. Well, I had been in the process of starting a blog for a long time now. And I can vividly recount writing my first 'cherished' blog entry many a times - in different moods, at various locations (sometimes at a friend's place, sometimes at work or at home and so forth); each time an enthusiasm unparalleled! By the way most of them still lie in my drafts folder.

Back then, I used to spend hours thinking what should my very first post consist of? Should it just be a general introduction? But hang on. Whose introduction? Mine or the blog’s? I mean do I need to pay some respect and formally announce / launch / introduce my blog. After all in the coming days it will bear the weight of countless ruminations. It will be my friend. Plus blogs are of various categories – personal, professional, social…So what is mine going to be like?

But lucky I consider myself. This thing has taken so long to happen that now, when it’s finally on track, I have no such thing on my mind :) And without much deliberation, I have managed to sail through smoothly.

I think this is enough for a first. There are some people out there who today would be more excited than I am. And why not? They have been waiting for this since time immemorial. So here it is ;)