I have not been regular with my writing of late (not that I ever was :P). Correction! As I mentioned in the last post I HAVE BEEN writing, but very capriciously – myriad musings :)
Even now there are many things I want to write about. I have been thinking about it for quite sometime, trying to zero down a particular topic. But it has been of no help. However, I have made up my mind that I am going to post something. So I have finally decided that I will go about it randomly, with no fixed agenda, like I have been doing recently.
Interestingly, as I wrote the last line, I figured out the best topic that I could write on, right now. WRITER’S BLOCK!! Yes, this suits the mood and situation perfectly. Before going ahead let me clarify that I do not consider myself to be a writer; I am not even remotely close to being one. But there are contradictions about this whole concept and the little writing that I come up with, in spurts. Writing about it would perhaps help me resolve this issue.
Alright as most of know “writer's block is a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity” (Quote from Wikipedia).
Before coming to my connection with this phenomenon I have this one particular memory from the eighth grade that I would like to mention. Ms Serina was our English teacher then and she was well-known for being formidable and strict. Everyone was shit scared of her. Coming from a Convent background we were supposed to have a good command over English. She would audaciously reiterate the fact that most of us did not deserve to be in the eight grade with our language skills. One day we had to write an essay in the class on some topic. After half an hour our copies were collected. She then picked out any one essay at random and read it aloud, not hesitating to point out even the smallest mistakes. After reading two or three of them, maam was very annoyed. According to her none of them was up to the mark. The girls who had to bear the brunt of her anger, quite obviously went red in the face. She tried one more but that too was a let down.
She eventually gave up the idea of reading aloud at random. Instead she called out five names, who according to her were the only ones worth reading. She said she would only be correcting those and the rest had to re-write it at home. As the last name was called out, I did feel the pinch because I knew I wasn’t so bad. The bell rang and she got up to leave. She was almost out of the class when she stopped, turned back and said that she had missed out a name. Yes, it was mine. My happiness knew no bound that day. Being appreciated by Ms Serina was an achievement. Also, she was strict no doubt and most of did not like the manner in which she insulted us. But I still admired her and coming from her it was a huge compliment.
This incident as I said is etched in my mind. Coming back to the topic, I never was in the habit of writing as such but I used to write poetry in school, occasionally. However I always had a passion for English. I have been a voracious reader since school and was good with the language too. Scored good marks in the subject always and then chose to graduate in English simply because of my love for it. I never had it in mind that I would study Literature; it just happened. Surprisingly I even pursued my Masters in Literature, but there was no learning experience as I never went to college. At that time the focus was on my career and so Masters took a backseat. I sometimes regret this decision and wish I had made the most of what could have been an enriching experience. Nevertheless to see the positive side, I am glad that I did take it up as Literature definitely has had an influence on me. It changed my mindset, point of view and attitude towards life. (This can be a separate post, right now I want to talk about something else).
It was in college that I realized there were times when I was having difficulty with the language. There was no problem with verbal communication but while writing an assignment or exam, I would just get stuck and words would not come to me. Also retention of words was a problem. However this happened only sometimes and so I did not pay much heed to it. Hell broke lose when I joined a communications consultancy firm. Coming from a Literature background the expectations from me were high. To much dismay I started getting absolutely stuck while writing. There were times when I was unable to frame a proper correct sentence in English. The same feedback was given to me by my boss Rakesh during my review. He said I was doing good in other areas but he was a little disappointed with my writing. That was the first time I discussed the idea “writer’s block” with him. I told him I did realize it too and recounted my experience. He suggested I should just write - anything but something. That was the only way to get out of it.
Well that was more than two years ago. It wasn’t so bad again but writing always remained a weak spot at work. I was good with the editing but lacked the originality in creating something new. Maybe the drive was missing because at that time I was not sure about my work in general. From what I analysed it to be, the problem lied in lack of clarity of thoughts. Someone once aptly said, “To write well, you need to think well. If you are not able to think clearly then you will never be able to express yourself in words.”
On the other hand there have been times when people have appreciated my writing. I remember I used to exchange mails with a friend frequently. He said he liked my style of writing and asked me if had ever considered writing a novel. He believed I would do well. “You should pen down a book or something...I’m serious about it.” On other occasions too, friends have complimented me for my writing. It always felt a bit weird and strange, but good nevertheless. It was a kind of a motivation to keep going.
There were times when I did feel like writing in Delhi but it was not quite possible with the hectic work schedule. So did not pursue it. Nicky did manage to convince me to start a blog. There were other reasons but she primarily wanted me give vent to all the pent-up emotions and thoughts in my head. I started on an enthusiastic note but lost the momentum soon. I have lots of time so I can’t complain on that front. I am eager to write too. But I always lose the fervor midway. This has been happening not just with writing but everything in general, but that’s no excuse. I don’t face the problem of expressing like I used to. In fact I love writing. Maybe it was just lack of dedication and my habit of procrastination.
Whatever the problem, the fact is that despite being fluent with the language, I am not at par with the written word. Technically there are no mistakes as such but I am not satisfied. This is one reason I admire people who have a flair for writing. I know I have it in me too. Perhaps it is just that I haven’t given it much of a chance.
As they say practice makes a man perfect. So I can’t be not writing and cribbing about it. Also writing in spurts won’t help. I have to be consistent. And so I have decided to write more frequently now. I look forward to it :)
