I am upset today. It was distressing to hear the news of Paul Walker’s death. Even though I have not seen many of his movies, not even all of the Fast and Furious series, I am saddened to hear of his untimely demise. Plus I also read an article where last year’s Delhi rape victim’s mother speaks her heart out. While reading, there were numerous moments when I paused because I was choked.

My mind was flooded with a series of thoughts and images. [I sometimes marvel at the rapidity of thoughts. One leads to the other and within seconds you are in a maze of thoughts. I’d love to talk more about this but I’ll save this for later.] Both these incidents make me low-spirited. But they also give me an impetus to pen down my thoughts about something I’d been thinking of lately. It is connected to my current state of mind – being sad!

Looking around I see most people sad and distressed. Once in a while it is fine and understood but it’s more of a regular feature. Everyone seems to be caught up with something or the other and dissatisfied with life. They are plagued by many problems such as work, relationships, past issues, finances, self-esteem, future etc. Each person has his/her own way of dealing with things. A few are mentally strong and face these challenges astutely. Some seek to put up a brave face and try to deal with things on their own. The tussle is, of course, visible to only close people if not all. Most others are weak and tend to crib about it.

There is nothing wrong about cribbing. All of us, at some point in life do vent out our frustration and negative thoughts. Even the strongest of people do give in, which is perfectly fine. However what is disturbing is when people tend to create problems on their own. The truth is that not a soul is free of problems, issues or difficulties. We all go through them. So nobody is different in this regard. But what sets people apart is the way they react to situations.

As mentioned above death and rape are two things which not only sadden me but also scare the hell out of me. Death is permanent and cannot be undone. Rape is worse. It leaves a scar which only and only the victim can understand. When people go through such crisis, my heart goes out to them. There are so many other things which make me feel in the same way – a child begging, people digging the garbage to scour for food, the homeless, poor or orphans, terrorism amongst others. Oh there is so much real pain and suffering in this world! However an average person never gives much thought to it. On the contrary he/she is busy complaining about an unkind boss, having to eat boring food, a misunderstanding, not having enough clothes to wear, something someone said, a low-paying job and so much more.

These aren’t real problems. If you are not happy with your work, find another job. If you are not happy working under someone, have the strength to venture into entrepreneurship. Better still follow your dreams and pursue them. Not having enough clothes or eating boring food – really! Think about millions who struggle for a morsel of food and make do with bare minimum clothes. If it is about what people say/said, well we don’t really have a control over what others say. So ignore and move on! If there is a misunderstanding, clear it. Do not sit back and assume things. It only makes things more complicated!

The world is really full of concrete problems and most of us have no inkling of them. So rather than cribbing about what is not right, try and face it. All that is required is a change of attitude. It might not help in putting an end to the problem, but at least it can provide enough strength to deal with the situation. And the next time you think you are sad, think of the more unfortunate ones and you’ll realize you are way better off.

“Life is a bowl of cherries. Some cherries are rotten while others are good; its your job to throw out the rotten ones and forget about them while you enjoy eating the ones that are good! There are two kinds of people: those who choose to throw out the good cherries and wallow in all the rotten ones, and those who choose to throw out all the rotten ones and savor all the good ones.” 

― C. JoyBell C.

Barsaat Aur Birha

Pattiyon ko toh aksar zhadte dekha hai maine
Inme se sundar kuch ko apni kitabon ke beech sambhal kar rakha hai kai baar maine

Tez hawaa ke jhonkon se paido ko bhi girte dekha hai maine
Lekin kal ka nazaara kuch aur hi tha

Garmi se pareshaan main baarish baarish khoob keh rahi thi, intezaar kar rahi thi 

Aur kal jab aayi baarish toh meri khushi ka koi thikana na tha

Lekin kehte hai na har cheez ke do pehlu hote hain 

Yahan main khushi se jhoom rahi thi 

Us barsaat ka lutf utha rahi thi 

Aur wahan kuch bahut dardnaak sa ho raha tha

Kuch samay baad ek ped ko badi behrami se tootte bikharte hue dekha

Patte toh the hi nahi kewal ped hi tha 

Phir bhi kaafi mann bhaata tha 

Kuch alag si kashish thi usme 

Aur main ghanto dekhti thi use 

Bada sukoon mehsoos hota tha

Lekin kal uski chavi ko tootte dekha

Uski do daaliyon ko usse alag hote dekha

Reh reh kar bahut khayal aaye mere mann mein 

Jab choti choti chot pe itna dard hota hai humein 

Toh kaise laga hoga us ped aur uski daaliyon ko 

Inme bhi toh jaan hoti hai na 

Bas ek hi pal mein badal gayi soorat uski 

Kya dard se kharhaya hoga unhone 

Kya bichadne ka gam sataya hoga unhe…

Barsaat tham gayi aur zindagi phir lagi daudne 

Woh waise bhi kahan thamti hai kisi ke liye 

Lekin bahut ajeeb lag raha hai mujhe ab bhi

Us toote hue ped ko dekhkar 

Uski tooti hui daaliyon ko bikhra dekhkar 

Aur jab mujhe lag raha hai aisa toh unhe kaisa lag raha hoga 

Kya woh kos rahe honge us baarish ko 

Ya apni lachaari pe dukh mehsoos kar rahe honge

Jo bhi hai, main mehsoos kar sakti hun unke dard ko 

Ek aah si uth rahi hai 

Aur ab lag raha hai 

Shayad agli baar baarish ko yaad karne se bhi thoda katraongi main!

Roman Holiday - A tale of sweet, innocent romance!

I guess I’m in the zone of watching movies I’d always wanted to and which are long overdue. Roman Holiday is one of them. Audrey Hepburn stole my heart with Breakfast at Tiffany’s which I watched earlier this year. Since then I had been eagerly waiting to see more of her. I eventually managed to watch Roman Holiday today and now I am even more in love with her. (Yes I drool over girls too – Julia Roberts, Kareena Kapoor, Chitrangada Singh to name a few :P)

Roman Holiday (1953) is the escapade of the royal princess Ann (Audrey Hepburn). She is in Rome, on the last leg of her Europe trip. She has had a packed schedule attending official functions and meeting dignitaries and aristocrats. As royal and glamorous it may look, she is upset and frustrated with the method life where everything is so ‘wholesome’. Scheduled and monotonous life has bored her to death and she longs for a break. When she breaks down, she is deemed ill and asked to control her nerves. The doctor is sent for, who in turn gives her a sleep-inducing drug to appease her hysteria. However, she manages to escape her country’s embassy at night and sets out to secretly explore the city on her own.

Ann is found sleeping on a bench thanks to the drug. Joe Bradley (Peck), who is an expat journalist working with American News Service, runs into her. He tries convincing her to go home. On failing, he takes her to his apartment out of sheer kindness and concern about her safety. The irony – the royal princess that he is supposed to interview the next day is sleeping in his apartment and he fails to recognize her. It is only when he dashes to his office the following day that he comes to know about it. He is allured at the prospect of making good money by getting a front page, never-told-before-story on her personal life and hurriedly strikes a deal with his editor. He takes the help of his dear photographer friend Irving Radovich (Eddie Albert) to get an exclusive coverage of the personal side of the Princess.

This leads to a 24 hour adventure on the streets of Rome – for the princess it is her first ever venture, exploring places, interacting with common folks, and doing things she always wanted. For the journalist, it is short cut to making quick money and getting a return ticket for America, his native land. He willingly entertains her in the hope of fishing out a meaty story. While the duo manages to photograph Ann smoking, dancing, getting in trouble with the police and much more, an unsaid love blooms between the protagonists. What happens thereafter if for you to watch!

The best part of the film is undoubtedly Audrey’s essaying of the Princess’ role, which won her an Academy Award for Best Actress. In fact, Hepburn was the first actress to win an Oscar, a Golden Globe and a BAFTA Award for this movie (Wikipedia). Right from the first frame, when she is shown as the royal princess, she steals our heart away. She looks gorgeous and every inch a princess – stunningly beautiful, delicate and graceful. She has portrayed the various moods so effectively – naive yet teasing when she says to her chaperone, “Did you know there are people who sleep with absolutely nothing on at all”; amusing, charming, playful, shy, innocent and romantic. Little did she or anyone know at that time that the movie would turn her into an overnight star! I am all the more keen to watch her other movies now. Peck is comfortable in his role and supports her well. The chemistry between them is realistic and likeable, especially in the last scene where all the emotion is conveyed through their eyes.

Roman Holiday is first-class cinema with all the elements of a good romantic comedy. The movie is simple, charming and it beautifully portrays the innocent romance of the bygone era. In honour of its 60th anniversary the film just had a rerelease. What a time to catch it, if you already haven’t!

Rating: 8.2/10

Once - A Musical Journey

I had heard the soundtrack of Once long back and loved it. The movie looked good too but I never watched it until today. In between I had heard and read so much about it that expectations were fairly high. And I wasn't disappointed! Being an ardent music lover, I fancy musicals so it was half the battle won. Plus I like the Brit/Irish accent :) However, Once stands out for its simplicity, modesty and earnest performances.

The movie is set in Dublin. Interestingly both the protagonists are not given names. The guy (Glen Hansard) is a street musician who plays the guitar and sings for money at night. During the day, he works in his father’s vacuum cleaner shop. His music attracts a young Czech girl (Marketa Irglova) who herself is a classically trained pianist. She takes him to a piano shop where she often goes to play the piano as she does not own one. It is here that they play a beautiful duet “Falling Slowly” (for which they both received an Academy Award for Best Original Song) and blossoms their short but delightful musical escapade.

The bond over music and he confides about his ex-girlfriend for whom he had been writing songs. She stays in old London and had betrayed him long back. However he is still in love with her, misses her but does not want to go get her. We also learn that the girl sells flowers and cleans a house for a living. She lives with her mother and little daughter Ivonka. Her husband is back in Czech Republic and things are not right between them. The marriage part comes as a surprise for him as he clearly did not expect that. However that doesn't change things between them.

The movie is not ambitious. Their love story is simple and beautiful. Music develops the plot further and all the songs are so beautiful. It helps that all of them were recorded by Glen and Marketa themselves. Neither of them are trained actors but musicians. Maybe that’s why their performances are so realistic. Plus it was during the filming of the movie that the two fell in love. This chemistry is visible on-screen as well. The bitter-sweet ending is realistic. It leaves you touched and happy that you witnessed this musical journey. 

Once is simple and straightforward. It was made on a shoestring budget and shot in merely 17 days with two new actors. And what a swell job done! It is magical and one you bound to get swayed. Once is one of the best musicals I have seen. Highly recommended, especially if you are a music lover :)

P.S. The movie has also motivated me to get going with my guitar practice, which has been moving at a snail's pace recently! :)

Lootera - A Cinematic Excellence!

I had to write this review. Not because I had set expectations and some people were awaiting my review after the FB status. It is purely because I absolutely loved the movie. After having watched it, a couple of people asked me how did I like it and I just said one thing – wait for the review. It wasn’t to create an unnecessary suspense but because there is so much to say, to share. So here it goes.

Lootera is a cinematic excellence. A lot of people would complain that it is slow and thus unbearable. Yes it is – slow, pensive. It is not an entertainer meant for the masses. It is a period film, an art, poetry in motion and the story unfolds at its own pace.

The film is set in two periods in the post Independence era – Manikpur, West Bengal in 1953 and Dalhousie in 1954. The first half of the movie is fresh with some magical moments. In fact I was captivated at the very beginning itself. The instrumental of my favoutite track ‘Ankahee’ played at the outset. I first thought it would be the first song and the movie would go into a flashback, narrating the tale of two lovers. How delighted I was at the thought of hearing the song one more time, that too so early! Despite having listened to it on loop innumerable times I was yet to get tired of it. I remember waiting with bated breath. However that was not to be. And not just that, the song just does not feature in the movie but is a part of closing credit. So much for the excitement! Anyway this was the only let-down if I may say.

Coming back to the plot and the review, with the critical success of his debut film Udaan, Vikramaditya Motwane had set high expectations. And truly he does not disappoint. Of course there are some flaws with the major one being the lackluster (partial) adaptation of O Henry’s masterpiece – The Last Leaf. This short story is so powerful and Motwane sure could have done a better job than making it look like a hurried adaptation. However, the beauty and magic of this period drama completely outweigh and overshadow the flaws. The world of the protagonists – love, passion, agony, disappointment, anger –keeps you hooked.

The movie is picturesque. Manikpur and Dalhousie are totally different landscapes and both have been captured beautifully by Mahendra J Shetty. The music by Amit Trivedi and lyrics by Amitabh Bhattacharya are exceptional. All the songs are beautifully crafted. Monali Thakur does absolute justice to the beautiful number ‘Sawaar Lun’. Baramade puraane hain, nayi si dhoop hai – How poetical! Another number that I liked is ‘Monta Re’. I have always loved Shilpa Rao’s husky voice and she is good yet again in ‘Manmarziyan’. Even ‘Shikayatein’ and ‘Zinda Hoon’ are good. I love the entire album!

Sonakshi Sinha as Pakhi has delivered a stellar performance. From the privileged, pampered zamindar’s daughter to the immature lover, from the playful, vibrant, mischievous young girl in Manikpur to an ailing, lonely figure and a frustrated writer in Dalhousie – she is very convincing and has essayed the role with a right mix of innocence and sensitivity. I was among the majority of people who felt that although Sonakshi has 100 crore club to her merit, it is mere luck than talent that had got her there. My opinion has definitely changed after Lootera. The credit also goes to the writer for such a well defined role. Kudos!

Two girls sitting beside me labeled Pakhi’s attempts of getting close to Varun as desperate. They couldn’t stop laughing and mocking saying that she was throwing her charms at him in an attempt to seduce him while he wasn’t interested. Well, to some it might seem a desperate attempt of getting physical. But I think there is much more to it. Being a literature student I have learnt to analyse a work of art beyond the obvious. One needs to understand the set-up in which Pakhi has grow-up and lives. Her father is the only man in her life and she has been deprived of any other love. So when she comes across this good-looking charmer, she is bound to be swept off her feet and develop some feelings for this man.

Ranveer Singh as Varun essays his role with conviction and displays the various shades of his character effectively. He is introduced as a polite young boy who timidly seeks permission from the Zamindar for an archaeological dig. Then there is the innocent and mellowed flirting during the painting lessons and beyond. Despite a warning from his partner Devdas, he eventually falls for Pakhi and is torn between love and duty. In the second half he looks confident when he sways to Dalhousie to commit yet another heist. And then the estranged lover wanting to stay back and make amends to his lady love.

The chemistry between the leading pair is not the best that we come across but their individual performances are rocking. Also a great thumbs up for the supporting characters – Barun Chandra as the zamindar and doting father, Vikrant Massey as Devdas, Varun’s accomplice, Adil Hussain as the tough police inspector and Divya Dutta as the compassionate caretaker are all splendid in their roles and leave a mark.

To sum up, Lootera is an art, one which requires patient viewing. It will charm and sway you with its set-up, scenic locales, music, performances – only if you do not have any pre-conceived notions or expectations. Watch it and it will steal your heart!

Happy Friendship Day! :)

Today Facebook is flooded with friendship messages and pictures. I don't really believe in a particular day to express one's feelings, whether it is Friendship Day or Valentines Day. I especially detest forward messages; can't identify with the concept of sending mass messages just because the day warrants so. So I did not call my friends or text them to wish Happy Friendship Day!

However it wasn't always like this and I was poignantly reminded of this today. On my way back in the metro, I spotted a gang of college kids chit-chatting, laughing, celebrating and having fun. They had friendship band on their wrists and a couple of them were carrying lovely bouquets. The excitement and fervour transported me back to my college days.

Those days Friendship Day was an occasion for grand celebration - cards, gifts, flowers, messages, phone calls. Moreover it used to set the tone for my birthday. I remember in 1st year of college, my friends had sent cards by post first for Friendship Day and then for my birthday. So I used to receive 1-2 cards almost every day. Some of the pg girls mocked, some were envious and other just happy about the bond that I had with my friends. They said they had never received so many cards at one time J I really used to be the enthusiastic one, planning and coordinating with everyone, ensuring that I met most of my friends on that special day.

Now we do change with time and today such celebrations do seem kiddish. But does it mean that the day has lost its value just because we have grown up? During college we used to hang around with friends so often. It was then that another special day was not needed for us to express our love for friends.

In today’s busy world, we are barely in touch with our friends. All are busy in their respective lives – martial life, family and kids, career or studies. We all know that we care and love each other but the point is do we express it that often? Do we really get the time and space to do so? So it is not a good reason for us to take out some time and let friends know that they still are an important part of our lives. It might not be important to do it today, but the idea is to just express. And since I already feel it, I might as well do it today :)

Growing up, we do lose out on friends. I have lost a many and it has been tough. However that has only taught me to cherish friends and friendship all the more. To all those who have moved on, I thank them for teaching me this invaluable lesson. To the ones who have stuck and stuck in the real sense, being there always through the thick and thin, well a thank you is just not enough. You still have me, need you more ;) And to the ones who have newly come in, well you should be glad our paths crossed and you got the chance to know the amazing me ;) 

There are some names that have to come in here. Listing them in alphabetical order :)

Apurva – I have found a friend in a brother and what an incredible friend you are! Just love spending time with you, having those ‘intellectual’ conversations and sharing almost everything! Te quiero :)

Bhua – You were the friend that I always had, right from my childhood. I have grown up with you, learnt from you and imbibed so much from you. It’s been a blessing to have you in my life. Besides being an aunt, you have always been a friend. Love you :)

Joyee – It’s always been a roller-coaster ride with you. We are caught up in the web of life and our escapades are not that interesting. Time to add the ‘past’ tadka ;) Love! 

Mona – As I was growing up, I always missed having a sister; someone with whom I could share everything from crushes to heartbreaks, family troubles to personal issues. Someone who would be protective and not have any motive; and most importantly someone who would always be there coz she was family. I no longer miss having one. Love you so much sister :)

Moulshree – It’s commendable how we are yet to have our first fight. Eight years of togetherness. We were kinda lost in between but thanks to whatsapp we are in regular touch now. To more years of friendship! Also now that I am in Delhi, we should meet more often. So lets fix that long overdue trip soon. Dherai maya :)

Munish – I know a lot of people who find love on the internet. I found a true friend. The comfort and ease with which I share everything with you is commendable. You are forever so encouraging and supporting. Thanks for always being there. All our memories have been of the virtual world so far but doesn’t seem like we have not met yet. Having said that, I am really looking forward to seeing you, soon. Love you pal :)

Nicky – Frankly, I really miss ‘us’ – Nicky & Nanny, especially coz I am in Delhi now. I need to take more effort to be in touch. But we have seen worse in terms of no communication, and we will survive this as well. You continue to be my alter-ego girl. Much love :)

Nupur – Oh I am so delighted that you are a part of my life! Did not know back then that a by chance phone call would blossom into this marvellous friendship that we share. I so miss spending time with you. Hopefully we will relive those moments soon. I am truly, truly blessed to have a wonderful friend like you. Love you my honey-bunny ;)

Pranav – We have been going through a rough patch of late, and all thanks to me. Irrespective of that I want you to know that you are a good friend and I care for you. I like that you have an opinion about things and voice it too and that you feel strongly for causes that you believe in. I love having discussions and arguments about almost everything. We have shared good times and I want us to get back to it. I miss those days and now I take the onus. Love you Joshi :)

Shashank – You care for me, you make me feel special, you bring out the best in me (and sometimes the worst) – you just make me feel alive. I am just glad to have you in my life. Love you!

To all my other friends, wish you Happy Friendship day! :)

Naughty Nupur - Part II

There had to be a part two for this post as I wanted to write about some more things. These are basically some memories that Nupur and I have shared. It's not possible to write down all, but just some of them are mentioned here: The first one definitely has to be my birthday cake. We had just a week ago and I had mentioned that I was really crazy about my birthday. But that year, in 2009, there happened to be a strike on 11th and I was already feeling low about it. So on 10th August around 10 pm the door bell rang. It was the delivery boy from Victoria Junction. Poor guy! He had been roaming around with that cake for more than an hour. The reason – incorrect address! Instead of mentioning Silverline Hotel, you’d given the address as opposite Tourist Lodge, which happens to be in Kurseong. How on earth was he supposed to find it? He finally did, with a lot of asking around. Now I was curious who had sent it. The first one was from Appu, and I’d pretty much guessed this one was from you. I asked the delivery boy but he did not have much to tell me. Only he gave me that paper where you’d written down the address. Do you remember what happened the next day? We’d gone to Victoria in the evening and that guy sees us there and tells me “Cake inhone ne hi order kiya tha”.

Next up are our Saturday hangouts at CCD and of course the rain that accompanied every week. Well you mentioned in your comment in the earlier post that I had missed out on the rain. No sweetie. How could I have? It’s just that I had this idea of a next post and had saved it for here. So, what days they were! And what rain too! Every Saturday we used to meet and then it used to rain, and rain heavily. Remember how we once got stuck in Cosmos for a real long time. Then finally we left. We had no umbrellas and there was no luck in getting the autos. So we were just walking. We were so totally drenched. But what fun it was! That time it was a protocol that if we met up, it had to rain. We used to so look forward to it. But seriously those were fun days. All we would do is chat chat chat, and chat nonstop, about anything and everything. It’s so different now. We are always talking about serious stuff. We should do something like those days sometime soon. What say? No serious talks, no tension – just let loose and enjoy!

There are various other things – the morning walks, the coffes, the movies, the night stays, shopping, talking and so much more. Like I said it’s been good. I don’t remember of a time when we have had a disagreement, forget about a fight. Touchwood! No, but seriously, this is commendable. Guess we just have the same wavelength and get along well. And now that I see time running out, I want to make the most of the days that you are here. We should meet often now :)

Naughty Nupur :)

A day in the first week of August 2009 it was. I was speaking to this friend of mine. My parents were out of station and I had lots of free time with nothing much to do. I was sort of bored. I happened to mention this to that friend and he immediately said that he had a friend in Siliguri, from Guwahati, who too stayed alone and did not know too many people here. He told me she was an RJ with Misty. The moment he mentioned her name, I asked him, “Naughty Nupur”? He sounded excited and enquired if I knew her or followed her show or something. No, I told him. I must have heard it on the radio sometime while switching channels. He asked me if I would like to speak to her. I said I had no issues. Normally I would not have been keen on knowing a friend’s friend. Definitely not someone I had never met. But I so readily agreed to speak to Nupur. Maybe we were destined to meet!

Ok jokes apart, we were talking about it and then I had to hang up for a while as I had to go to the kitchen. I was making pasta that day, I so vividly remember. We resumed our conversation in sometime. It was one of those ‘catching-up’ days when you’re speaking to a long lost friend after ages and so obviously have lots to talk about. At that time there was a call waiting, but even before I could check the number the line got disconnected. He asked me what number it was. Why would he be bothered, I wondered! He seemed to have read my mind and told me that it could be Nupur. What!! I was taken aback because that was real quick. He had just mentioned her some ten minutes ago. She couldn’t be calling so soon. Well, this would have been my reaction under normal circumstances. But that day I did not find anything strange about it. Maybe it was because things were happening in such quick succession or like I said earlier, it was destiny. Anyway, we checked the number and it was her. He hung up and said she would perhaps try again. She did, soon and we spoke for the first time. It was a short and nice conversation. So that was how we both were introduced, over the phone. So when did we meet next? Well that same night. Yes! Something must have really clicked between us because it was not a usual meet at a coffee shop or something. She came for a stay-over at my place. Like I mentioned earlier, it just happened so suddenly. In fact our common friend too was surprised. He said he had expected us to gel well, but not so instantly that she was staying over at my place that same night. Well the rest as they say is history.

I’ve now known her for almost two years and it’s been so much fun. Nupur is a sweetheart. She is extremely lively and absolutely fun-loving; we’ve had some crazy moments together. She is full of positive vibes and is the right person to meet when you are low. She passes on that energy to you and lifts your spirits up. She has so much of energy and can talk non-stop. Yes she speaks a lot, and why not. She gets paid to do that, so she better talk, and talk a great deal. In fact she gets so carried away when she is talking, she doesn’t realize when she gets loud. Especially, if it is a closed space, like a coffee shop, I always have to gesture her to be softer. I love the way she has a twinkle in her eyes at that time. She is someone with a pure heart, who doesn’t know any pretence whatsoever. This is what I love about her the most and this is why I can be totally myself with her. It is so just relaxing to be in her company. Today, she is my only friend in Siliguri but I’ve never really felt the need of having more friends with her around. I am so thankful that I met her. I’m saying this not because everyone says this about his/her friend. It is because I’ve realized something. It’s easy to meet thousands of people, befriend dozens and be good friends with some of them. But even out of these, it is just a few people who come into your life and make a difference. They teach you many things and you form a great bond with them. Life moves on and so might they, but then will have left an indelible mark in your life. Nupur has already left this mark :)

You will soon be going away and I am going to miss you a great deal, not because I am going to be very lonely (which I will be) but because I really love spending time with you. I cherish the moments spent with you. I’m going to miss spending time with you. In fact I think I’ve begun missing you already! I love you :)

We miss you, Nicky

I really miss Nicky, my best friend, and I'm sure my blog misses her equally. She always encouraged me to write and was more enthusiastic about it than me. I remember her calling me up very excitedly and informing me that she had found a lovely template for the blog. Yes, I never had to work on its look and style. She was more concerned about it and took great care to update it from time to time. She had that enthusiasm of a small kid who looks at every new thing with great thrill, keen to discover it and know more about it. And it was she who kept me going.

But she is now busy with her marital life and I too lost whatever little interest that I had (for various reasons). The result - my blog just looks so dry! There have been no comments for the last two blog posts. Call me a kid, but yes I used to be very excited about the comments, eagerly waiting. It is quite a paradox because very few people had the link. But this never quite bothered me, because Nicky made up for it mostly. Then of course, there were select others who mattered to me. They too were supportive in their own ways. Some expressed it via comments on the posts itself or through email and chats. Then there were the silent supporters who never said anything but I knew that every post was being read by them.

Anyway I have decided to be active and write regularly. This resolution has come many a times before but this time I am really going to stick to it. So comments or no comments, I am going to write.

Nicky was forever worried that I kept too many things to myself and never spoke about them. Thus she constantly encouraged me to write. She always desired that I use this as an outlet for expressing my thoughts, desires, frustrations, grievances, and memories – basically everything. Well so far it was more of recounting past experiences, but I now want to write about my present thoughts too. It’s not that I do not write them, but they are mostly lying in the drafts. But now, enough of hiding them in the closet!

Nicky I want you to read this and I know you will. You just have to know that I am back at it, and I am sure that no matter what, you will take out time to read it and loyally comment on every single post. Well, both my blog and I am looking forward to it.

Just Like That :)

My friend Nupur had stayed over for the night a couple of days ago and I happened to mention my blog to her. She told me she had never seen it. That came as a surprise to me because we’ve been friends (good friends that too) for almost two years now and I usually share my blog link with close pals! So I asked her if she wanted to go through it. She readily agreed.

We both started reading. I was simultaneously updating her about the various incidents that were penned down there. We were both having a good time – me, recounting and re-living those memorable incidents and she listening to them with the usual sparkle in her eyes :)

Reading some posts, especially those about Nicky and Joyeeta, took us a good half an hour, or even more perhaps. And why not? They are two people which whom I’ve had a whole lot of fun and countless treasured moments. It was then that I realized two things. Firstly, my blog is mostly in the narrative form. It is either a recount of my experiences with various people or a record of situations/events. Perhaps this is why some friends compliment me for my writing style and suggest that I should try my hands at writing a novel. Secondly, and more importantly, my blog has no mention of this very dear friend, who was sitting right beside me at that time. Maybe it is because from the time I’ve known her, I’ve not maintained my blog. Thus there is no mention of her or our friendship. But whatever be the case, it was there at that moment, that I realized that my next post had to be about her. She has been an important part of my life for quite some time now and I would love to talk about our escapades and the friendship that we share. I had begun writing about Music, something again that is very dear to me, but that has been sidelined for the time being. So Nupur, you will soon have a post dedicated to you :)

Consistently Inconsistent

My status reads – “Consistently Inconsistent”

A lot of people will identify with this feeling I am sure. I am mostly inconsistent – I'm capricious and tend to get bored awfully fast with situations, things and even people, every so often. But there are times when this feeling is very strong. It is more like a phase and these days I am going through such a period (no pun intended here :P). Nothing appeals to me or fascinates me. And even if it does, it doesn’t hold my attention for long. I start something with great passion but then lose the enthusiasm soon. This explains the numerous drafts in my folder because I just do not have the willpower to finish them. I doubt if I will post this one too. But today I am determined to do so. Let’s see what happens! It is like challenging me and I am already enjoying it :)

Getting back to the topic…I do not like the company of even my closest pals. I just do not feel like talking to anyone. But then again I get irritated with the loneliness. I seek the company of people, I long to share my thoughts, I yearn for a good conversation; it is a vicious circle.

I have currently started reading about 8-9 books and each day I feel like taking up a new one. I tell myself that let others be; I will me start afresh and ensure that I finish this one. But it’s the same story :P

In fact sometimes I even don’t like listening to music. Then it kind of worries me because I really can’t picture life without music. So getting bored with it or not being up to it is unimaginable. But thankfully this is rare and happens for a very short time.

Basically, the whole point is…

Well there I go. I have lost the link…train of thoughts broken! Talk about being inconsistent!!

Now this doesn’t really qualify as a complete post but I will still put it up. That’s about it for now. And I seriously hope to transfer stuff from my drafts to the blog :P

A long break

I have not written for a long time again, but this time it was for lack of time. That’s no excuse because one has to take out time. However, April was an eventful month. A lot happened, with Prachi’s wedding being the main affair. So obviously I have lots to write about. And then marriage/engagement seems to in the air!! Two people who are very close to me got engaged on Sunday - my cousin Apporva and one of my best pals from school. I am obviously very happy. I will write about them in detail in the coming posts.

There are certain things on my to-do or to-learn list like guitar lessons, French classes, learning Salsa and most recently photography. But never really had the time to take them up. Now that I have time, there are no facilities. So basically something or the other keeps coming up. However, I am glad that I have finally, finally joined swimming. And it is the perfect time too; gives such a relief from this heat. It has only been a while and I will take some time to learn, but I am so happy that it is ultimately happening. The other good thing is that it is taking care of my sinus problem. I used to keep away from water for this reason, but it feels nice now :) Hope I am able to take up the other things too sometime! Till then it is HAPPY SWIMMING :)

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

In the course of our lives we come across several people, befriend quite a many, and finally form close friendships with just a few of them. With time even these close friends depart, at times due to a reason and sometimes without any. We then make new friends, occasionally missing the old ones. And life goes on. However there are some who stick around stubbornly and go on to become a part of our lives. Also there are a number of people we might not be very close to, but they do leave a mark or influence us in some way or the other. It is people like these who make our lives beautiful.

These are those special people who are a part of my world and have left an impression some way or the other. 12 indeed seems like a huge number and mind you this is an only girls list [No specific reason for this]. Sometimes we take them for granted or hesitate to tell them what’s on our mind and how we feel for them. This is effort to let them know that they are indeed special and their presence makes a difference. I share an individual relation with each one of them and there can be no comparisons. But yes, I am fortunate to have known them. Love you all!

I was having difficulty in arranging the order and have finally decided to go chronologically. Starting with the person I met first…

Sweety: Her name says it all – she is sugary, extremely caring and is ready to walk that extra mile anytime for her friends and close ones. People who know her are indeed lucky. I am fortunate enough as we are cousins. But she has been more of a friend. I have admired, respected and loved her ever since I’ve understood the word FRIEND and known the meaning of friendship. Despite being sisters, we have exchanged lots of cards. People called it madness but I actually idealized her those days - always waiting to hear from her, looking forward to her cards and letters. However that was just one side of the picture as life is not just about roses. I am glad we experienced the rough phase as well as now I can say that it is a complete picture.

I had never anticipated having fights or arguments with her but we did and in great style. We did not fight verbally; it was worse – the cold war. The paradox of the situation – when we were far I always wanted to meet her and be with her. But when we were staying together in Delhi, there were times when we did not speak for more than a couple of days. I really do not regret any of it as it has only helped me to understand her better and made me closer to her. I love her lots and wish her the best in life.

Neha: I’ve known her for more than twelve years and I am actually surprised that we are still going strong :P We were five friends in school and our gang was called PINKSTERS. Out of the four of them, I was least close to Neha. I screamed and yelled at her most of the times. If someone told us then that we would be such close buddies ten years down the line, neither of us would have believed it. And the irony is that today I am only in touch with her. Our friendship has stood the test of time.

She has changed a lot over the years, and for the better. Today she is completely different from what she used to be then. But we have been friends during the good and the bad times. I have changed too, but whenever I am with her, I am myself. I effortlessly share my innermost feelings with her and she advises me for a change. I am proud to have a friend like her. Love you baby!

Pooja: She is an absolute sweetheart – one of my rare friends I have not had a fight or an argument with, ever. Knowing me, that’s quite an achievement! I met her in school (Class XI) and there has been no looking back since then. Moreover I am sure she is someone I will be in touch with even twenty years down the line. She is very sweet, caring, down-to-earth and dependable. It has been a smooth ride with her. We have countless memories from good old school days.

Some people say it is difficult for girls to sustain friendship after marriage. That’s absolutely incorrect. She has been married for more than two years but there has been no gap in our friendship and the credit goes to her. On the contrary I am closer to her now than ever before. The credit goes to her mostly as she knows how to maintain relations. I am extremely happy about the fact that she has found a soul mate in her life partner. They are truly a made for each other couple. Wish you all the very best in life honey!

Prachi: Intelligent, outgoing, straightforward, crazy, lazy and total fun – that’s Prachi Gupta for you. It’s a delight to have a friend like her. She has no hang-ups and is absolutely bindaas.

How come you and Prachi are such good pals? That’s the question I am confronted with these days. Our so-called friends raise an eyebrow when they hear that we are close buddies today. But who cares? And why, it is no one’s business actually. So just keep away. (Yeh prayaas tha un dikhawa karne wale doston ko sabak sikhane ka :P)

You rock girl. I am going to miss you bad and life will not be the same without you here. Anyway wish you a happy married life. Lotsa love!! Muah…

Moulshree: We do come across many people in our lives with whom we have an instant connection. We hit off right from the word go. The initial phase is incredibly good and everything seems right. However such relations are known to last for a short while. The charm soon fades. At least that’s how it has been with me.

But once in a lifetime we come across someone we click with immediately and things only get better with time. Moulshree is that person in my life. Met her in the first year of college and there has been no looking back. College was what it was because of her. She is someone I can spend an entire day with doing nothing and still not get bored. Her simplicity is her best virtue. In fact I can now go on to talk about the innumerable good qualities that she possesses and this post will run into pages. I'll write a separate entry on her but for now all I would say is that she is one of my best pals and am assured will always be.

I must have done a thousand good deeds in my past life to have her as a friend.

Nisha: “Best of friends don’t always make the best of roommates.” This is the first thing that strikes me when I think of her. We were roommates for two years in college and have seen all shades of life during that time. Misunderstandings are not uncommon, especially with people you share your room with but the manner in which we dealt with it was absolutely wrong. It was a love and hate relationship. We did have many unpleasant experiences but we also have several wonderful memories. It was just a phase and I am glad we survived. It takes true friendship to pass such tests and ours did.

Nisha is strong-minded, focused and knows what she wants from life. I respect her. Today we are not in regular touch, but that’s not important. I am glad our paths crossed and I had the pleasure of knowing her. She has taught me a lot. We have shared a lot - learning new words, discussing current news and happenings, hanging out together, watching movies, fighting and arguing about petty issues and above all being there for each other. I sure would love to interact more often and share a lot more with her. Guess I’ll take that step :)

Shilpa Sanghai: To be frank, there were 11 names on this list. I was surprised by this number as I had only expected about 8. But somehow it still did not seem complete. I knew someone was missing. I figured out after a while that it was her. And I was not astonished that her name had slipped out of my mind initially as I share an odd but wonderful relation with her. I know her since college; she was a year junior to me and we were in the same PG. I also know that she somewhat hated me in the beginning, courtesy my attitude :P Her opinion of course changed as she got to know the real me.

We have never been in regular touch, not while we were in the pg, not after college, not after that either, despite being in the same city [Strangely enough we have been talking almost daily lately, when she is in Delhi and I am back home, all thanks to Google Talk]. However there always is this comfort that she is there and I can fall back on her, anytime. We speak not more than three or four times a year (on the phone) but whenever we do, we always take off from where we had last left.

I don’t think I have ever told her how I feel about her as it has been a very casual relationship. But it’s true that her presence in my life makes a difference. I respect her for the person she is. I value her opinion and advice.

I know you will do well in life Shilps. Your willpower and perseverance is going to take you places. Lotsa love and good wishes.

Archana: Archana is someone I look up to. We are similar in temperament and perhaps that’s why she understands me so well. I value her advice and whenever there was a dilemma concerning work life, she was the first person I turned to. And she never let me down. I have great respect and faith in her.

Nicky: This is indeed difficult. There is a blog entry on her and I recently wrote a testimonial too. So this will be repeating things. But this list and the whole idea will not be complete if I don’t write about her.

I can write a lot about her, about us, and what she means to me, and yet not get anywhere close to explaining her importance in my life in words. I keep saying it time and again that she is my alter-ego. Of course we are different in many ways but the similarities overpower. She reads my mind, she understands my silence, she knows my various moods, she is aware of my faults - she just knows me inside out. She is a godsend. My life is incomplete without her and I can’t imagine not having her beside me. You know what you mean to me honey.

Amrita: Gentle – that’s how I would describe her in one word. She is soft-spoken and absolutely adorable. More than anything I am amazed at her patience. Not that she doesn’t get stressed or beleaguered, but it doesn’t show up in her demeanor. On the other hand, whenever I was upset or angry in the office, it showed on my face. Everyone could make out there was a problem and I made no efforts to hide it either, as I have always been a straightforward person. This girl sure has some resilience.

Amy was my bitching partner in office. We sat at an arms distance but conversed via chat most of the times. And what fun it was! So much so that it had become a kind of a habit. Sometimes it seemed like we were indulging in it just for the sake of it or maybe because our day would be incomplete without those sessions :P

Amy is a complete family person. Ask her to meet on a Sunday and she would instantly refuse as Sundays were meant to be at home. In fact she sometimes expressed her disapproval about me being in Delhi, away from home and family.

I admire her for all of this, basically for the person that she is.

Sanna: She is absolutely bindaas. I’ve known her for a short while but it has been a great experience. She has a charming personality and is liked by all. Hanging out with her is absolute fun. She is a no-nonsense, in your face kind of a person. Sometimes she can be very blunt but that’s better then maintaining double standards. In fact I respect her for being straightforward and clear. Then there is this other side to her too – soft, caring and thoughtful. She is very dear to me and I am glad I know her. Love you darling and miss you – Barista, coffee, Big Chill; basically your company!

Joyeeta: There already in a dedicated blog entry on her and so there is nothing much to say but yes I am happy we met. Of all the people mentioned here I came across her last but it seems like it was predestined. Even though we were together only for a short while, we have infinite memories. That’s why whenever we talk, we are always stuck up with remember this and remember that :)

What a roller coaster ride it was! Just being with her was absolutely entertaining, no matter where we were – at work, at my place, watching movies, hanging out in CCD, shopping or any other place. It was just so entertaining. Here I must mention that we make perfect partners when it comes to watching movies. Movie watching had never been so much fun before and I am sure we will never find someone better. What I liked most about her company was that I was always myself and it came very naturally. I could say anything and do as my heart pleased and she would just be a part of it. She has left an everlasting impression and I really look forward to more fun times together, especially watching movies again. God I so miss it.

P.S. Two pictures are missing here. Will add them soon.

Writer's Block

I have not been regular with my writing of late (not that I ever was :P). Correction! As I mentioned in the last post I HAVE BEEN writing, but very capriciously – myriad musings :)

Even now there are many things I want to write about. I have been thinking about it for quite sometime, trying to zero down a particular topic. But it has been of no help. However, I have made up my mind that I am going to post something. So I have finally decided that I will go about it randomly, with no fixed agenda, like I have been doing recently.

Interestingly, as I wrote the last line, I figured out the best topic that I could write on, right now. WRITER’S BLOCK!! Yes, this suits the mood and situation perfectly. Before going ahead let me clarify that I do not consider myself to be a writer; I am not even remotely close to being one. But there are contradictions about this whole concept and the little writing that I come up with, in spurts. Writing about it would perhaps help me resolve this issue.

Alright as most of know “writer's block is a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity” (Quote from Wikipedia).

Before coming to my connection with this phenomenon I have this one particular memory from the eighth grade that I would like to mention. Ms Serina was our English teacher then and she was well-known for being formidable and strict. Everyone was shit scared of her. Coming from a Convent background we were supposed to have a good command over English. She would audaciously reiterate the fact that most of us did not deserve to be in the eight grade with our language skills. One day we had to write an essay in the class on some topic. After half an hour our copies were collected. She then picked out any one essay at random and read it aloud, not hesitating to point out even the smallest mistakes. After reading two or three of them, maam was very annoyed. According to her none of them was up to the mark. The girls who had to bear the brunt of her anger, quite obviously went red in the face. She tried one more but that too was a let down.

She eventually gave up the idea of reading aloud at random. Instead she called out five names, who according to her were the only ones worth reading. She said she would only be correcting those and the rest had to re-write it at home. As the last name was called out, I did feel the pinch because I knew I wasn’t so bad. The bell rang and she got up to leave. She was almost out of the class when she stopped, turned back and said that she had missed out a name. Yes, it was mine. My happiness knew no bound that day. Being appreciated by Ms Serina was an achievement. Also, she was strict no doubt and most of did not like the manner in which she insulted us. But I still admired her and coming from her it was a huge compliment.

This incident as I said is etched in my mind. Coming back to the topic, I never was in the habit of writing as such but I used to write poetry in school, occasionally. However I always had a passion for English. I have been a voracious reader since school and was good with the language too. Scored good marks in the subject always and then chose to graduate in English simply because of my love for it. I never had it in mind that I would study Literature; it just happened. Surprisingly I even pursued my Masters in Literature, but there was no learning experience as I never went to college. At that time the focus was on my career and so Masters took a backseat. I sometimes regret this decision and wish I had made the most of what could have been an enriching experience. Nevertheless to see the positive side, I am glad that I did take it up as Literature definitely has had an influence on me. It changed my mindset, point of view and attitude towards life. (This can be a separate post, right now I want to talk about something else).

It was in college that I realized there were times when I was having difficulty with the language. There was no problem with verbal communication but while writing an assignment or exam, I would just get stuck and words would not come to me. Also retention of words was a problem. However this happened only sometimes and so I did not pay much heed to it. Hell broke lose when I joined a communications consultancy firm. Coming from a Literature background the expectations from me were high. To much dismay I started getting absolutely stuck while writing. There were times when I was unable to frame a proper correct sentence in English. The same feedback was given to me by my boss Rakesh during my review. He said I was doing good in other areas but he was a little disappointed with my writing. That was the first time I discussed the idea “writer’s block” with him. I told him I did realize it too and recounted my experience. He suggested I should just write - anything but something. That was the only way to get out of it.

Well that was more than two years ago. It wasn’t so bad again but writing always remained a weak spot at work. I was good with the editing but lacked the originality in creating something new. Maybe the drive was missing because at that time I was not sure about my work in general. From what I analysed it to be, the problem lied in lack of clarity of thoughts. Someone once aptly said, “To write well, you need to think well. If you are not able to think clearly then you will never be able to express yourself in words.”

On the other hand there have been times when people have appreciated my writing. I remember I used to exchange mails with a friend frequently. He said he liked my style of writing and asked me if had ever considered writing a novel. He believed I would do well. “You should pen down a book or something...I’m serious about it.” On other occasions too, friends have complimented me for my writing. It always felt a bit weird and strange, but good nevertheless. It was a kind of a motivation to keep going.

There were times when I did feel like writing in Delhi but it was not quite possible with the hectic work schedule. So did not pursue it. Nicky did manage to convince me to start a blog. There were other reasons but she primarily wanted me give vent to all the pent-up emotions and thoughts in my head. I started on an enthusiastic note but lost the momentum soon. I have lots of time so I can’t complain on that front. I am eager to write too. But I always lose the fervor midway. This has been happening not just with writing but everything in general, but that’s no excuse. I don’t face the problem of expressing like I used to. In fact I love writing. Maybe it was just lack of dedication and my habit of procrastination.

Whatever the problem, the fact is that despite being fluent with the language, I am not at par with the written word. Technically there are no mistakes as such but I am not satisfied. This is one reason I admire people who have a flair for writing. I know I have it in me too. Perhaps it is just that I haven’t given it much of a chance.

As they say practice makes a man perfect. So I can’t be not writing and cribbing about it. Also writing in spurts won’t help. I have to be consistent. And so I have decided to write more frequently now. I look forward to it :)