I'll be there...

This is a poem I came across and loved, instantly. It is dedicated to someone special - You have left a mark in my life in a way that you will perhaps never realise. I will write something for you someday, I want to. But till then, this one is for you :)

I cannot ease your aching heart,

Nor take your pain away;

But let me stay and take your hand

And walk with you today.

I'll listen when you need to talk,

I'll wipe away your tears;

I'll share your worries when they come,

I'll help you face your fears.

I'm here and I will stand by you,

On each hill you have to climb;

So take my hand, let's face the world...

And live just one day at a time.

You're not alone, for I'm still here,

I'll go that extra mile;

And when your grief is easier,

I'll help you learn to smile!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

In the course of our lives we come across several people, befriend quite a many, and finally form close friendships with just a few of them. With time even these close friends depart, at times due to a reason and sometimes without any. We then make new friends, occasionally missing the old ones. And life goes on. However there are some who stick around stubbornly and go on to become a part of our lives. Also there are a number of people we might not be very close to, but they do leave a mark or influence us in some way or the other. It is people like these who make our lives beautiful.

These are those special people who are a part of my world and have left an impression some way or the other. 12 indeed seems like a huge number and mind you this is an only girls list [No specific reason for this]. Sometimes we take them for granted or hesitate to tell them what’s on our mind and how we feel for them. This is effort to let them know that they are indeed special and their presence makes a difference. I share an individual relation with each one of them and there can be no comparisons. But yes, I am fortunate to have known them. Love you all!

I was having difficulty in arranging the order and have finally decided to go chronologically. Starting with the person I met first…

Sweety: Her name says it all – she is sugary, extremely caring and is ready to walk that extra mile anytime for her friends and close ones. People who know her are indeed lucky. I am fortunate enough as we are cousins. But she has been more of a friend. I have admired, respected and loved her ever since I’ve understood the word FRIEND and known the meaning of friendship. Despite being sisters, we have exchanged lots of cards. People called it madness but I actually idealized her those days - always waiting to hear from her, looking forward to her cards and letters. However that was just one side of the picture as life is not just about roses. I am glad we experienced the rough phase as well as now I can say that it is a complete picture.

I had never anticipated having fights or arguments with her but we did and in great style. We did not fight verbally; it was worse – the cold war. The paradox of the situation – when we were far I always wanted to meet her and be with her. But when we were staying together in Delhi, there were times when we did not speak for more than a couple of days. I really do not regret any of it as it has only helped me to understand her better and made me closer to her. I love her lots and wish her the best in life.

Neha: I’ve known her for more than twelve years and I am actually surprised that we are still going strong :P We were five friends in school and our gang was called PINKSTERS. Out of the four of them, I was least close to Neha. I screamed and yelled at her most of the times. If someone told us then that we would be such close buddies ten years down the line, neither of us would have believed it. And the irony is that today I am only in touch with her. Our friendship has stood the test of time.

She has changed a lot over the years, and for the better. Today she is completely different from what she used to be then. But we have been friends during the good and the bad times. I have changed too, but whenever I am with her, I am myself. I effortlessly share my innermost feelings with her and she advises me for a change. I am proud to have a friend like her. Love you baby!

Pooja: She is an absolute sweetheart – one of my rare friends I have not had a fight or an argument with, ever. Knowing me, that’s quite an achievement! I met her in school (Class XI) and there has been no looking back since then. Moreover I am sure she is someone I will be in touch with even twenty years down the line. She is very sweet, caring, down-to-earth and dependable. It has been a smooth ride with her. We have countless memories from good old school days.

Some people say it is difficult for girls to sustain friendship after marriage. That’s absolutely incorrect. She has been married for more than two years but there has been no gap in our friendship and the credit goes to her. On the contrary I am closer to her now than ever before. The credit goes to her mostly as she knows how to maintain relations. I am extremely happy about the fact that she has found a soul mate in her life partner. They are truly a made for each other couple. Wish you all the very best in life honey!

Prachi: Intelligent, outgoing, straightforward, crazy, lazy and total fun – that’s Prachi Gupta for you. It’s a delight to have a friend like her. She has no hang-ups and is absolutely bindaas.

How come you and Prachi are such good pals? That’s the question I am confronted with these days. Our so-called friends raise an eyebrow when they hear that we are close buddies today. But who cares? And why, it is no one’s business actually. So just keep away. (Yeh prayaas tha un dikhawa karne wale doston ko sabak sikhane ka :P)

You rock girl. I am going to miss you bad and life will not be the same without you here. Anyway wish you a happy married life. Lotsa love!! Muah…

Moulshree: We do come across many people in our lives with whom we have an instant connection. We hit off right from the word go. The initial phase is incredibly good and everything seems right. However such relations are known to last for a short while. The charm soon fades. At least that’s how it has been with me.

But once in a lifetime we come across someone we click with immediately and things only get better with time. Moulshree is that person in my life. Met her in the first year of college and there has been no looking back. College was what it was because of her. She is someone I can spend an entire day with doing nothing and still not get bored. Her simplicity is her best virtue. In fact I can now go on to talk about the innumerable good qualities that she possesses and this post will run into pages. I'll write a separate entry on her but for now all I would say is that she is one of my best pals and am assured will always be.

I must have done a thousand good deeds in my past life to have her as a friend.

Nisha: “Best of friends don’t always make the best of roommates.” This is the first thing that strikes me when I think of her. We were roommates for two years in college and have seen all shades of life during that time. Misunderstandings are not uncommon, especially with people you share your room with but the manner in which we dealt with it was absolutely wrong. It was a love and hate relationship. We did have many unpleasant experiences but we also have several wonderful memories. It was just a phase and I am glad we survived. It takes true friendship to pass such tests and ours did.

Nisha is strong-minded, focused and knows what she wants from life. I respect her. Today we are not in regular touch, but that’s not important. I am glad our paths crossed and I had the pleasure of knowing her. She has taught me a lot. We have shared a lot - learning new words, discussing current news and happenings, hanging out together, watching movies, fighting and arguing about petty issues and above all being there for each other. I sure would love to interact more often and share a lot more with her. Guess I’ll take that step :)

Shilpa Sanghai: To be frank, there were 11 names on this list. I was surprised by this number as I had only expected about 8. But somehow it still did not seem complete. I knew someone was missing. I figured out after a while that it was her. And I was not astonished that her name had slipped out of my mind initially as I share an odd but wonderful relation with her. I know her since college; she was a year junior to me and we were in the same PG. I also know that she somewhat hated me in the beginning, courtesy my attitude :P Her opinion of course changed as she got to know the real me.

We have never been in regular touch, not while we were in the pg, not after college, not after that either, despite being in the same city [Strangely enough we have been talking almost daily lately, when she is in Delhi and I am back home, all thanks to Google Talk]. However there always is this comfort that she is there and I can fall back on her, anytime. We speak not more than three or four times a year (on the phone) but whenever we do, we always take off from where we had last left.

I don’t think I have ever told her how I feel about her as it has been a very casual relationship. But it’s true that her presence in my life makes a difference. I respect her for the person she is. I value her opinion and advice.

I know you will do well in life Shilps. Your willpower and perseverance is going to take you places. Lotsa love and good wishes.

Archana: Archana is someone I look up to. We are similar in temperament and perhaps that’s why she understands me so well. I value her advice and whenever there was a dilemma concerning work life, she was the first person I turned to. And she never let me down. I have great respect and faith in her.

Nicky: This is indeed difficult. There is a blog entry on her and I recently wrote a testimonial too. So this will be repeating things. But this list and the whole idea will not be complete if I don’t write about her.

I can write a lot about her, about us, and what she means to me, and yet not get anywhere close to explaining her importance in my life in words. I keep saying it time and again that she is my alter-ego. Of course we are different in many ways but the similarities overpower. She reads my mind, she understands my silence, she knows my various moods, she is aware of my faults - she just knows me inside out. She is a godsend. My life is incomplete without her and I can’t imagine not having her beside me. You know what you mean to me honey.

Amrita: Gentle – that’s how I would describe her in one word. She is soft-spoken and absolutely adorable. More than anything I am amazed at her patience. Not that she doesn’t get stressed or beleaguered, but it doesn’t show up in her demeanor. On the other hand, whenever I was upset or angry in the office, it showed on my face. Everyone could make out there was a problem and I made no efforts to hide it either, as I have always been a straightforward person. This girl sure has some resilience.

Amy was my bitching partner in office. We sat at an arms distance but conversed via chat most of the times. And what fun it was! So much so that it had become a kind of a habit. Sometimes it seemed like we were indulging in it just for the sake of it or maybe because our day would be incomplete without those sessions :P

Amy is a complete family person. Ask her to meet on a Sunday and she would instantly refuse as Sundays were meant to be at home. In fact she sometimes expressed her disapproval about me being in Delhi, away from home and family.

I admire her for all of this, basically for the person that she is.

Sanna: She is absolutely bindaas. I’ve known her for a short while but it has been a great experience. She has a charming personality and is liked by all. Hanging out with her is absolute fun. She is a no-nonsense, in your face kind of a person. Sometimes she can be very blunt but that’s better then maintaining double standards. In fact I respect her for being straightforward and clear. Then there is this other side to her too – soft, caring and thoughtful. She is very dear to me and I am glad I know her. Love you darling and miss you – Barista, coffee, Big Chill; basically your company!

Joyeeta: There already in a dedicated blog entry on her and so there is nothing much to say but yes I am happy we met. Of all the people mentioned here I came across her last but it seems like it was predestined. Even though we were together only for a short while, we have infinite memories. That’s why whenever we talk, we are always stuck up with remember this and remember that :)

What a roller coaster ride it was! Just being with her was absolutely entertaining, no matter where we were – at work, at my place, watching movies, hanging out in CCD, shopping or any other place. It was just so entertaining. Here I must mention that we make perfect partners when it comes to watching movies. Movie watching had never been so much fun before and I am sure we will never find someone better. What I liked most about her company was that I was always myself and it came very naturally. I could say anything and do as my heart pleased and she would just be a part of it. She has left an everlasting impression and I really look forward to more fun times together, especially watching movies again. God I so miss it.

P.S. Two pictures are missing here. Will add them soon.

AFTC

I was introduced to The Actor Factor Theatre Company (AFTC) by my colleague Mridul in March 2008. His brother Rahul was a part of group. AFTC plays were scheduled for June-August and since I had worked for NSD Mridul asked me to help them with some media contacts. I pitched in to help but soon found myself to be a part of AFTC. We were four of us handling their PR and communications – Mridul, his fiancée (Vrinda), Prasoon (another colleague and Mridul’s pal) and myself. Both Mridul and Vrin had a reason for the association but I was doing it by choice and had nothing in it for myself. I was really impressed with their first production ‘Aakaar’. It only gave me further impetus to put in my sincere effort and contribute in whatever little manner that I could. Our efforts helped in creating the initial buzz and spreading awareness about the group and their plays.

At that time I had a very hectic schedule – office Mon-Fri, MBA classes on weekends, the mock test on Sunday, Soka Gakkai amongst others. Plays were lined up for alternate weekends and that meant a lot of involvement. But I liked it and had no reason to complain. Plus we were doing a good job :)

There was a party to celebrate the success of ‘Aakaar’. I was a little apprehensive initially as I did not know a lot of people but Vrin assured that it would be enjoyable. And seriously what good fun it was! It was easy to gel with everyone. I personally admired Sunit Bhaiya (the President of AFTC) but before that I only knew the serious side of him who was constantly on his toes to get things going. It was good to see him in a light mood, just having fun. All the others parties that I have attended have been absolute fun.

One of my best memories was the press conference (PC) organized by all amateurs. One evening I got a call from Sunit Bhaiya asking if I could see them in Saaket in sometime. It was already past eight but he said it was kind of urgent. I agreed and met them @ Barista in Saaket. Bhaiya told me about their upcoming theatre workshop. Bhaiya had big plans for AFTC and was planning to start a theatre academy. This workshop was the first step towards it. If successful, this was to be followed by a lot of other stuff, which Bhaiya had in mind. But it solely depended on the success of this workshop.

The problem was that the workshop was to start in a week’s time but they only had three registrations so far. We desperately needed people but had no funds for advertisement. A lot had anyway been invested in the preparations and the number for break even was around 20. Plus they had faculty from NSD and other biggies from theatre. The only way out was to create a buzz through news article which could only be done through a PC. Bhaiya said he would get Manoj Bajpai to be there at the conference and talk about the workshop. But we had to ensure we could do it. Even the conference would require funds so they expected results.

Now we had been a part of PCs in office, and had some idea. But organizing a PC from the scratch required strategy and planning. Plus the biggest worry was that Manoj Bajpai’s presence would help us to get the media there but there were high chances of the focus remaining only on Mr. Bajpai and not AFTC and the workshop. This could seriously backfire. At this point we needed good articles talking about the workshop but this was a difficult task knowing the media. Bhaiya said it was our call totally. After a good discussion, we decided to go ahead with it.

We were faced with numerous problems initially. Just around that time I had two other events in office and so it was a tight schedule. Besides, my events were also art based and in some cases there was a fight for space in newspapers. Now both were equally important for me – AFTC for obvious reasons and then in office too they were my clients. So I had to be fair. Vrin and Mridul too were quite busy with stuff in the office. Mridul had no time to breathe. So it was all on me, Vrin and Prasoon.

I remember those couple of days were maddening. And things were taking place in true filmy ishtyle. We were handling it along with our office work and so there was a lot of confusion. The first invite was sent out with a wrong date. Luckily someone noticed it and it was rectified. So a second invite followed asking the media to ignore the first. This was enough to create a misunderstanding so we had to follow it with a phone call. I could not be at both the places at the same time, and skipping anyone seemed impossible. Luckily the next day the client called and asked to meet at 4:30. Since the PC was to start at 6, and my client’s office was at a stone’s throw distance, this was manageable. Phew, I was so relieved :)

However the worst was yet to come. Only on the day of the PC did we realize that there had been a miscommunication. The venue was Café Turtle, Saaket and we thought it was GK. And that’s how the invites were sent. It came as a blow. Media people anyway have their tantrums and this could be suicidal as we had already made a change earlier. Moreover, we were in the office and it was not possible to make calls. Then my colleague told me he would not be accompanying me to the meeting and I would have to go by myself. That was another blow but the only thing on my mind that time was calling the media. What a situation to be in! I called some of them and apologized for the confusion. Rest was left to Vrin & Prasoon.

The venue fiasco was finally sorted out but then for some reason the traffic was real bad that day. It took some journalists more than 2 hours to get to the venue while others had been waiting since long. We were trying to deal with the tantrums and chaos, when I got a call from the office. I had informed them that I would not come back from the meeting and they were okay with this. But my colleague said there was some urgent work and I had to get back to work. I told him it was not possible. But there was a release to be issued and there was no one working on that account. So I had no choice. I could see the PC turning into a huge disaster, but was wrong. Amrita, my colleague and a close buddy knew about the conference and so she agreed to pitch in. I did exchange a couple of heated SMS’s with my colleague but Amrita truly was an angel that day.

We had seen the drama unfold layer by layer and by that time were literally praying that it was enough for a day. Our prayers were heard J Finally everyone arrived. The turnout was great; we had all the leading publications and TV channels. We were slightly concerned about the messaging but I guess with Manoj Bajpai you can be assured. He politely refused to talk about himself and movies and requested the media to keep the discussion limited to the workshop. He told them that they could play a vital role in supporting upcoming talent in theatre and urged them to do so.

The PC was a huge success, both in terms of getting the coverage in leading papers and eventually getting people for the workshop. From what I remember we had about 33 people :)

I have been away from all the happenings for a long time now. But I really miss all of them and the good times spent together – working, partying and having fun! AFTC has its new production "Three" lined up for April 4 and so this is a perfect time  to have written this post. (http://www.actorfactor.net/three_pages/about_the_plays.html)

Wish you all the luck guys. Rock On!!

Happy Birthday Nicky :)

It's Nicky's birthday today. I wanted to be with her but never mind. I am glad she had a great day. I am posting something that I found online, which conveys my feelings for her aptly.

This is for you, my best friend,

the one person i can tell my soul to

Who can relate to me like no other

Who I can laugh with to no extents,

Who I can cry too when times are tough,

Who can help me with the problems of my life.

Never have you turned your back on me

Or told me I wasnt good enough

Or let me down

I don't think you know what that means to me

You have went through so much pain and you still have time

For me.

And I love you for listening even when inside YOU are dying

And I look up too you because you are strong,

and caring

and beautiful.

Even though you don't think you are.

And I hope you know that I am always here

To listen to you laugh and cry and help

In all the ways that I can

And I will try to be at least half the friend you are

To me.

I hope you know I would not be the person I am today, with out you.

My Best Friend!

Love you sweetie. HAPPY BIRTHDAY :)

Sibling Bonding

A couple of days ago, my little kid brother Aayush came crying from school after his Maths exam (He is not a kid in the literal sense but he is the youngest, is extremely sweet and looks like a kid too. You would not be able to make out that he is appearing for his ISC exams). He had been practicing a lot for this particular exam and was disappointed at having missed out on some questions. Now that was the first time I had seen him cry, if you discount the childhood tears. In fact, just a few days back I distinctly remember asking him when he had last cried. He is the “apple of everyone’s eye”, liked by elders, peers and children alike. He has an amazing sense of humour and always has a smile on his face. So it was awfully upsetting to see him like that. Obviously seeing one’s sibling cry is not a joyous moment for anyone. But there was something else I realized that day.

I have been away from home for the most part of my life and have spent very little time with parents and brothers. Plus there is an age gap of 6-7 years between me and my brothers. So there is minimal sibling bonding and no deep connected thoughts. But that day I figured out that no matter how distant you appear to be on the surface level, deep within the attachment is always there. The love we have for our family is unconditional which doesn’t require any reassurance. Only, it might be difficult to express it. At least that’s how it is with me.

Some days ago, I was encouraging a friend to spend more time with his siblings. He is pursuing his Masters in US and had come to India on a vacation. We just happened to talk about sibling bonding and he had a similar story to share. He was closer to his brother who was a couple of years younger to him. “It is easy to connect with my brother but I am not very close with my sister. We're kind of distant...like I care for her, but don't spend enough time with her; I can’t express my feelings easily,” he said. Since there were just a couple of days left for him to go back I suggested that he take them both out for dinner and ensure that he pay special attention to his sister. He said I was more matured that I appeared to be.

It was so easy for me to understand his situation. And I did give him some advice as well. But when it comes to me, I am equally bad, worse maybe. We usually take our family for granted. It is so difficult for me to say “I love you” to mom even when I want to at times. Why is so difficult for us to express our love for our near and dear ones? One reason can be that I have mostly been on my own, away from home and family, more in the company of friends. So communicating my thoughts and emotions lucidly is surely an issue sometimes. Obviously it can’t come to me all of a sudden. But I have been trying to bridge the gap. And I am sure this will only get better with time.

Writer's Block

I have not been regular with my writing of late (not that I ever was :P). Correction! As I mentioned in the last post I HAVE BEEN writing, but very capriciously – myriad musings :)

Even now there are many things I want to write about. I have been thinking about it for quite sometime, trying to zero down a particular topic. But it has been of no help. However, I have made up my mind that I am going to post something. So I have finally decided that I will go about it randomly, with no fixed agenda, like I have been doing recently.

Interestingly, as I wrote the last line, I figured out the best topic that I could write on, right now. WRITER’S BLOCK!! Yes, this suits the mood and situation perfectly. Before going ahead let me clarify that I do not consider myself to be a writer; I am not even remotely close to being one. But there are contradictions about this whole concept and the little writing that I come up with, in spurts. Writing about it would perhaps help me resolve this issue.

Alright as most of know “writer's block is a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity” (Quote from Wikipedia).

Before coming to my connection with this phenomenon I have this one particular memory from the eighth grade that I would like to mention. Ms Serina was our English teacher then and she was well-known for being formidable and strict. Everyone was shit scared of her. Coming from a Convent background we were supposed to have a good command over English. She would audaciously reiterate the fact that most of us did not deserve to be in the eight grade with our language skills. One day we had to write an essay in the class on some topic. After half an hour our copies were collected. She then picked out any one essay at random and read it aloud, not hesitating to point out even the smallest mistakes. After reading two or three of them, maam was very annoyed. According to her none of them was up to the mark. The girls who had to bear the brunt of her anger, quite obviously went red in the face. She tried one more but that too was a let down.

She eventually gave up the idea of reading aloud at random. Instead she called out five names, who according to her were the only ones worth reading. She said she would only be correcting those and the rest had to re-write it at home. As the last name was called out, I did feel the pinch because I knew I wasn’t so bad. The bell rang and she got up to leave. She was almost out of the class when she stopped, turned back and said that she had missed out a name. Yes, it was mine. My happiness knew no bound that day. Being appreciated by Ms Serina was an achievement. Also, she was strict no doubt and most of did not like the manner in which she insulted us. But I still admired her and coming from her it was a huge compliment.

This incident as I said is etched in my mind. Coming back to the topic, I never was in the habit of writing as such but I used to write poetry in school, occasionally. However I always had a passion for English. I have been a voracious reader since school and was good with the language too. Scored good marks in the subject always and then chose to graduate in English simply because of my love for it. I never had it in mind that I would study Literature; it just happened. Surprisingly I even pursued my Masters in Literature, but there was no learning experience as I never went to college. At that time the focus was on my career and so Masters took a backseat. I sometimes regret this decision and wish I had made the most of what could have been an enriching experience. Nevertheless to see the positive side, I am glad that I did take it up as Literature definitely has had an influence on me. It changed my mindset, point of view and attitude towards life. (This can be a separate post, right now I want to talk about something else).

It was in college that I realized there were times when I was having difficulty with the language. There was no problem with verbal communication but while writing an assignment or exam, I would just get stuck and words would not come to me. Also retention of words was a problem. However this happened only sometimes and so I did not pay much heed to it. Hell broke lose when I joined a communications consultancy firm. Coming from a Literature background the expectations from me were high. To much dismay I started getting absolutely stuck while writing. There were times when I was unable to frame a proper correct sentence in English. The same feedback was given to me by my boss Rakesh during my review. He said I was doing good in other areas but he was a little disappointed with my writing. That was the first time I discussed the idea “writer’s block” with him. I told him I did realize it too and recounted my experience. He suggested I should just write - anything but something. That was the only way to get out of it.

Well that was more than two years ago. It wasn’t so bad again but writing always remained a weak spot at work. I was good with the editing but lacked the originality in creating something new. Maybe the drive was missing because at that time I was not sure about my work in general. From what I analysed it to be, the problem lied in lack of clarity of thoughts. Someone once aptly said, “To write well, you need to think well. If you are not able to think clearly then you will never be able to express yourself in words.”

On the other hand there have been times when people have appreciated my writing. I remember I used to exchange mails with a friend frequently. He said he liked my style of writing and asked me if had ever considered writing a novel. He believed I would do well. “You should pen down a book or something...I’m serious about it.” On other occasions too, friends have complimented me for my writing. It always felt a bit weird and strange, but good nevertheless. It was a kind of a motivation to keep going.

There were times when I did feel like writing in Delhi but it was not quite possible with the hectic work schedule. So did not pursue it. Nicky did manage to convince me to start a blog. There were other reasons but she primarily wanted me give vent to all the pent-up emotions and thoughts in my head. I started on an enthusiastic note but lost the momentum soon. I have lots of time so I can’t complain on that front. I am eager to write too. But I always lose the fervor midway. This has been happening not just with writing but everything in general, but that’s no excuse. I don’t face the problem of expressing like I used to. In fact I love writing. Maybe it was just lack of dedication and my habit of procrastination.

Whatever the problem, the fact is that despite being fluent with the language, I am not at par with the written word. Technically there are no mistakes as such but I am not satisfied. This is one reason I admire people who have a flair for writing. I know I have it in me too. Perhaps it is just that I haven’t given it much of a chance.

As they say practice makes a man perfect. So I can’t be not writing and cribbing about it. Also writing in spurts won’t help. I have to be consistent. And so I have decided to write more frequently now. I look forward to it :)

I LONG...

I long…
to know who I am,

what I am,

what stuff I'm made of.

I long…

to find,
to find,

find the meaning of it all.

I long…

to travel,

to explore,

to see the unseen.

I long…

to learn,

to learn,

and learn some more.

I long…

to sing in the forests,

to dance with the waves,

to walk by the moonlight.

I long…

to try

the things untried;

to spread my wings

and FLY.

I long…

to bring about much awaited, much needed CHANGE!  

I long...

to experience life,

to LIVE life!

P.S. This would have been abandoned in its initial stages had it not been for Munish. Apart from convincing me to go on, he even contributed to this. It might be an average piece of work but that's not the point. For me it is imperative that I reach a conclusion. This has been happening with so many other pieces. I begin writing on an enthusiastic note but lose the rhythm and the momentum soon. I owe this one to him totally.

Thank you pal! And keep encouraging me in the same fashion. At least 1 out of 5 would stand a chance ;)

Dreams!

Writing after quite sometime. Actually I have been writing but haven’t posted anything as most of it is incomplete, just random thoughts and views.

Nothing new has been happening lately. In fact it’s been almost the same routine for days, but no complaints. One good thing was that I did manage to read books and also watch a lot of movies last month. There were days when I watched four movies back to back. It was fun; an experience!

Anyway, the other day I asked my little sister who is in the sixth grade the same clichéd question all of us are asked over a dozen times in our childhood – What do you want to be when you grow up? Now seeing her sense of fashion and her interest for dance I was expecting something on those lines but her answer completely took me by surprise. She said nothing. On asking for an explanation she blurted out immediately, “Uffo, why do people keep asking this question. It really does not make any sense, does it? Di look at you. You are a grown-up but have you become something?”

She no doubt caught my off-guard with this statement, but true it was. Plus it came at a time most apt - when I am in a dilemma regarding my future. Yes I have been thinking about this for quite sometime now. I am confronted with choices but don’t know which one to pick, because I am so just uncertain about everything right now.

Chasing one’s dream is said to be very fulfilling. But I am unaware of what my dream really is. Follow your heart they say. But what does one do when one knows not what his/her heart wants.

And here I quote a few lines by a dear friend who completely relates to this feeling of mine:

What are my objectives? What am I supposed to make and ask of my life? What is that thing that I'm supposed to chase blindly, with all my strength, all my conviction, all my life, all my passion?

I want to...

I want to BREAK FREE...!!

I dont need to write anything more right now. This sums up a lot that's on my mind currently.

Fragmented thoughts

Unspoken words
Unexpressed feelings

Unknown fear
Silent tear

Grim smile
Loud whisper

Detached attachment
Warm indifference

Cold passion
Agonizing love

Ruffled mind
Fragmented thoughts!!

This was no poetry, only random thoughts! But like a close pal said, "Fragmented but poetically put. And says who a poem can't be fragmented?"