Sibling Bonding

A couple of days ago, my little kid brother Aayush came crying from school after his Maths exam (He is not a kid in the literal sense but he is the youngest, is extremely sweet and looks like a kid too. You would not be able to make out that he is appearing for his ISC exams). He had been practicing a lot for this particular exam and was disappointed at having missed out on some questions. Now that was the first time I had seen him cry, if you discount the childhood tears. In fact, just a few days back I distinctly remember asking him when he had last cried. He is the “apple of everyone’s eye”, liked by elders, peers and children alike. He has an amazing sense of humour and always has a smile on his face. So it was awfully upsetting to see him like that. Obviously seeing one’s sibling cry is not a joyous moment for anyone. But there was something else I realized that day.

I have been away from home for the most part of my life and have spent very little time with parents and brothers. Plus there is an age gap of 6-7 years between me and my brothers. So there is minimal sibling bonding and no deep connected thoughts. But that day I figured out that no matter how distant you appear to be on the surface level, deep within the attachment is always there. The love we have for our family is unconditional which doesn’t require any reassurance. Only, it might be difficult to express it. At least that’s how it is with me.

Some days ago, I was encouraging a friend to spend more time with his siblings. He is pursuing his Masters in US and had come to India on a vacation. We just happened to talk about sibling bonding and he had a similar story to share. He was closer to his brother who was a couple of years younger to him. “It is easy to connect with my brother but I am not very close with my sister. We're kind of distant...like I care for her, but don't spend enough time with her; I can’t express my feelings easily,” he said. Since there were just a couple of days left for him to go back I suggested that he take them both out for dinner and ensure that he pay special attention to his sister. He said I was more matured that I appeared to be.

It was so easy for me to understand his situation. And I did give him some advice as well. But when it comes to me, I am equally bad, worse maybe. We usually take our family for granted. It is so difficult for me to say “I love you” to mom even when I want to at times. Why is so difficult for us to express our love for our near and dear ones? One reason can be that I have mostly been on my own, away from home and family, more in the company of friends. So communicating my thoughts and emotions lucidly is surely an issue sometimes. Obviously it can’t come to me all of a sudden. But I have been trying to bridge the gap. And I am sure this will only get better with time.